Tomorrow Never Dies
by niko56
Summary: A livid Courtney decides to enact her deadly revenge against Gwen. A botched up plan turns into an over-the-top Hollywood inspired parkour chase around the city of Los Angeles. A story riddled with comical satire and familiar faces galore! Who will win? Who will see tomorrow? Who will die? Read and see! BE WARNED! R&R please! Contains implied Yuri


**Disclaimer: I own not Total Drama or the characters therein, nor do I own the title of this story...or the song, I hence forth basically own nothing. **

**A/N: This is something I felt like writing because I darn felt like it by God! I know the CourtneyxGwen coupling has been beaten to death with a baseball bat (especially by me). So, this is more violence, less Yuri...but there will be Yuri (Just no sex) so, actually, it would technically fit the guidelines, sweet! **

**Rated T: violence, implied Yuri, Violence, theft, VIOLENCE, Blood. Oh yeah, and violence**

**Synopsis: A livid Courtney decides to enact her revenge against Gwen. A botched up plan turns into an over-the-top Hollywood inspired parkour chase around Los Angeles. Who will win? Who will see tomorrow? Who will die? Read and see! **

**-WARNING: Heavy use of social, pop cultural, and political satire (all in the pursuit of comedy)-**

**No infringement of any kind is intended, and be advised this is a complete work of fiction and should be treated as such! **

**Enjoy! Review! Don't Sue!**

"**Tomorrow Never Dies"**

* * *

_[intro]_

_Darlin' I'm killed I'm in puddle on the floor Waiting for you To return  
Oh, what a trill Vacillations good Lord How to tease? How you leave me to burn?  
It's so deadly my dear The power of wanting you near  
Until the day Until the world falls away Until you say, there will no more goodbyes I see it in your eyes Tomorrow never dies _

_[instrumental]  
Darling you won It's no fun Martinis, girls and guns It's murder on our love affair  
You bet your life Every night While you chase every morning die You're not the only spy out there  
It's so deadly my dear The power of wanting you near  
Until the day Until the world falls away Until you say, there will no more goodbyes I see it in your eyes Tomorrow never dies _

_[Instrumental]  
Until the day Until the world falls away Until you say, there will no more goodbyes I see it in your eyes Until the day Until the day Until the day _

_[outro]-Tomorrow Never Dies by Sheryl Crow _

. . .

Los Angeles, it is a city like none other...unless you're in Houston. In the city famous for Melrose, movie stars, and manipulation; we have our favorite lovable Canadian reality show teens, who really should consider renewing their visas.

At the Hotel Walken (Cause no real hotel wanted their name in this story) is the reception for yet another successful season of Total Drama, this time with minimal damage. Being as how Chris McLean is detained at a location so secretive it makes Area 51 look like Disneyworld, Chef took it upon himself to host the season ending banquet, mostly because it says so in his contract.

Now at this fancy 5-star hotel, everything seems warm and fuzzy like you see on a crappy sitcom's holiday special. But it's not all it appears-No, for in this hotel lurks a broody untapped soul, wanting revenge! No, not Jimmy Hoffa, not George McCarthy, not even Bea Arthur, it's Courtney.

The girl who after season three, it wasn't quite sure if Izzy was the shows official crazy girl. Courtney hates two things in life, green gelatin, and Gwen. The Goth girl that made the hearts of hipsters everywhere melt with her beauty, sadly; she picked Duncan. Courtney's Duncan.

This made the preppy brunette insane, more-so than usual. Hence Courtney devised all sorts of ways to get her revenge on Gwen, all of which seemed to be a bad cliched memorial to Wiley Coyote's never ending attempts to catch the Roadrunner. So, that in mind, a near insane Courtney was running out of options, and money. She was in her room on the phone with ACME customer service, slower than advertized.

"What do you mean my package won't be delivered until next week?" she griped over the phone.

"_Uh-uh-um, w-we-were sorry Ms. Soprano, but you did specify you w-wanted s-s-s-s-st-sta-stan-__standard mail for your ACME-death-ray-and-coffee-maker." the nervous receptionist stammered_

"Well times have changed! I want overnight shipping! I stole my parents credit card, and they have a fantastic credit score, so-FIX IT!" she hollered

"_Bu-bu-bu-but M-M-Ms Soprano, we-we-we-we-w-e-we already shipped it, it can't be changed, were so very-very sorry." the woman stammered cringing, prepared for a scream._

"Oh, you'll be sorry, when I'm famous someday, I'm gonna buy your aptly named cartoon company just so I can fire you! And then I'll make you cry! Good-day you worthless moron!" Courtney slapped the phone onto the receiver "Ergh! I thought Americans prided themselves on being quick with stuff-HA!"

Courtney angrily paced her room, which was littered with crumpled up blueprints, and failed inventions in which to get revenge on Gwen. The preppy girl went to her balcony, and lit a cigarette, tossing the now empty Marlboro 83 pack into her garbage can, also littered with blueprints and other discarded cigarette packs. Courtney took a long drag of her cancer stick, not caring that the hotel is strictly non-smoking.

"Shut-up annoying narrator guy!" Make me "Oh believe me I will!" she took another puff "Just as soon as I get rid of Gwen!" she put her cigarette out in the plant on her balcony and re-entered her room, as storm clouds approached, she plopped back onto her bed, and got back on her soap box.

"Ugh, just one plan, one good plan to get the revenge I truly deserve, I'll show Gwen tomorrow never dies, just like how I'll never forget the day she smooched my Duncan! THERE! I said the name of the show within the show, YOU HAPPY!" Well, not with that attitude, PMS much?

Courtney looked to the cracked picture of her and Gwen from happier times, this made her blood boil, she angrily stood up, approached her night stand and grabbed the picture with angry tear filled eyes, she tossed it to the ground stomping on it exactly three times

"ERG! I hate you-I Hate You-I HATE YOU!" she stopped to sob "I hate her so much!" she turned to her mirror, where a mirror image of herself appeared

"No you don't silly, you know you like her, like REALLY like her, you just mask it with an excuse and loads of hate so no one will know."

"Go away mirror me! Whose clearly a figment of my deluded and possibly psychotic imagination!" hey you said it. "Erg...all I need is one sure fire way to get rid of her then I'll-" then like a ton of anvils, it hit her...unfortunately figuratively. "That's it, I've been trying too hard, all these ACME products, complicated blueprints, and cigarettes have done nothing but cause me constant mental anguish and possibly lung cancer! All I need to do is get rid of Gwen in a very simple, yet very violent way." that's when the light-bulb turned on yet again "And I think I know how."

-PSA-

Hi there, I'm Niko56, writer, director, executive producer, broke college student, and voice actor. We here at Niko56 Productions like to have a lot of fun with these fics, but you know what isn't fun? Smoking. Not only is smoking bad for your health, it also stinks up your clothes, breath, and; is quite costly, so choose to spend your time, health, and money on other things! Alright back to the show!

. . .

At the nice banquet hall that was very nice, All the nice children sat at various tables ready for Chef to say a few-otherwise very uninspiring words of the previous season, considering the fact that-ah, I don't wanna rant any further.

"Attention Maggots I'm forced to call co-workers! Ahem!" Chef cleared his throat "On this day of August the 20th, we reflect on our time time once again on that reality show-or hell as I like to refer it as, and-[fire alarm]-Whew, thank God! Alright, as per the strict and annoying guidelines of the hotel, let's go outside, and-aw hell, let's take our pictures at Samuel L. Jackson's star of fame!" Everyone dashed out, Gwen had other plans, as perceived by her adversary.

"Coming Gwen?" Bridgette asked

"In a sec, I wanna grab my phone, I left it in my room, be back in a flash!" she stormed up to her second floor room to grab her phone, but upon returning into the hallway, she noticed it was dark, she turned to the other end, to see a smirking dark silhouette holding a butchers knife.

"Courtney?"

"Hello there Gwenny, I've been waiting for you-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" she chuckled demonically, and did a few tricks with her knife.

"Heh-heh-heh, waiting for what? Take pictures in front of Sam Jackson's star of fame?" Gwen asked nervously, stepping away, Courtney drew closer. "Thought not."

"No-no, I'm gonna do something that should have been done forever ago ...I'm...gonna...KILL...you...Gwen." she spat.

"Kk-k-k-k-k-k-k-ill me?"

"Oh yes, this is something that needs to be done, I never forgot, tomorrow never dies Gwendolyn! And you're about to feel my wrath!"

"I'd rather just take pictures." Gwen stammered nervously.

"I'll take pictures alright..." close-up shot "Of you dying."

"And on that note...-AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Gwen ran

"Why you running Gwen, I just wanna talk to you...while slicing your throat open-aha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Gwen dashed back into the banquet hall, flabbergasted as Courtney was already there waiting for her, knife still in hand

"Gasp!"

"What took ya?"

"Courtney please!" Gwen pleaded "All this cause of Duncan?" she asked

"YES! You're gonna pay for betraying me, especially after I thought we were...becoming friends! Well no more! I'm gonna get rid of you, if it kills me!" I can arrange that.

"AHHH!" Gwen did a few Matrix like cartwheels and flips that would have made Keanu Reeve's stunt double jealous while Courtney tried to slash at her with the knife.

Gwen then flipped over one of the tables which smacked Courtney square on the chin, causing her to back step a few, Gwen quickly got to her feet and made a mad dash for the kitchen, where-of course, the kitchen staff had vacated due to the fire alarm. Gwen stopped by a wall to catch her breath.

"Whoa! She is nuts!" suddenly she heard laughter from behind her.

There was Courtney, holding an assortment of knives, butchers knives, meat cleavers, filleting knives, you name it, you cook with it, she had it. Like a ninja pro-or is it light-weight pro, Courtney took aim, ready to strike.

"You know, I knew those knife throwing lessons mother made me take would pay off one day!" she slung the knives Gwen's way. She managed to get her body in an awkward position against the wall so most of the knives would miss, a few pinning her clothing to the wall. "Huh, probably should have went to every class, but; no matter." Courtney shrugged, picking up another meat clever dug into a cutting board, and approached her prey. "Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm." she chuckled evilly

"Gasp!" Gwen gasped trying to free herself.

"Ooh goodie, Chop Goth Girl, my fav." the psycho smirked. "You know what they say Gwen?"

"What?" a teared up Gwen asked

"Oh, I don't know, I thought you did, oh well." Courtney raised the clever, just as Gwen freed her right leg and kicked it from her. "Hey! You lousy little-[thwack]" she used her other freed leg to kick Courtney right in the face, freeing the rest of her body, then as Courtney got neutral, they were both in fighting stances.

"So, this is how it's gonna be is it?" Courtney asked

"I guess it is." Gwen sneered

"Alright, hope you got your will made out Gwendolyn, you're gonna need it." Courtney then took the first kick. Gwen followed back with a couple of combinations as the two fought their way into the hotel lobby. First, Courtney lunged, and the two connected, rolling around in the lobby until they got knocked into a table, and a vase fell off knocking Courtney right on the head, then a punch from Gwen.

Undaunted, the two got neutral, Gwen wiping some blood away from her nose as the two continued to connect punch, after kick, after Chuck Norris combo, rolling onto the front desk. Courtney managed to grab a fountain pen, trying to bring it onto Gwen's face. The Goth pushed Courtney's face away with one hand, while Gwen struggled to control Courtney's assault hand with the other.

Gwen proved to be the stronger contender as she managed to kick Courtney away, this time onto the floor, Courtney was enraged, she stood up to grab three more fountain pens. Gwen however, was quick to realize Courtney was standing right on a rug, and with quick thinking, Gwen threw her off balance by pulling the rug out from under her.

"You miserable little-[pulls]-HEY!" she hit the ground with a thud.

"Looks like I pulled the wool over your eyes...or-rug-oh, cra-who writes this sh*t anyhow?" Gwen quickly darted for the revolving door, Courtney in tandem

Gwen was now on the sidewalk in the very heart of Los Angeles, which is to say Burbank is the spleen she needed an option quick, then she found it, a perfectly legit taxicab was across the street, right in front of a perfectly legit limousine. This of course was momentarily delayed when a swarm of fans took notice.

"Omigosh! It's Gwen from Total Drama!"

"Can I get your autograph?"

"Can I get a lock of your hair?"

"Can I have sex with you?"

"Uh-uh-ew-uh-why would you want my autograph, when you could have Mel Gibson's, he's right over there."Gwen pointed behind them

"Really?"

"Where?"

This gave Gwen enough time to sprint across the street and to the taxi, just as Courtney ran out, right into the fans, still very livid, angry, psychotic, and ultimately covered in fountain pen ink...there's a stain to make Oxyclean say DAMN!

"Well I don't see-GASP! Wow, Courtney from Total Drama!"

"Can I get your autograph?"

"Can I get a lock of your hair?"

"Can I have sex with you?"

"Erg!" angered, she rolled her eyes and drew a Walter PPK pistol, pointing it at the daunting tourists "Buzz off you cretins or I'll turn into a James Bond statistic!"

"Wow!"

"Courtney's pointing a gun at us!" they yelled starstruck, Courtney rolled her eyes again and simply ran across the street

"Wait!"

"No, you can shoot me Courtney! I'm insured!"

"I have Cigna, I'm better than insured!"

"Bitch I got Obamacare! Whose insured now?"

"What you picking a fight with me?"

Now before this fight turns into a typical conversation between Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore, we return to Gwen, who has ran over to the cab driver, for the sake of racial profiling, his race does not matter.

"Where to miss?"

"Uh-look! A talent scout, and he's looking for the perfect person to play a taxi driver!" Gwen pointed

"Really? S'cuse me!" he jumped out of the car and looked around, while Gwen hopped in and drove away really fast. "Where are you? I wanna be famous!" famous last words...

"Hey! Get back here!" Courtney shouted. She looked at the limo, the driver was having a smoke, and reading a Playboy. "Hey, vacate the car unless you want a third eye!" she pointed the gun to his face, then abruptly, not to mention rudely, tore the man from the limo, and took after Gwen.

"Hey! That doesn't even make sense you mashugina!" he yelled.

The two began their chase through Los Angeles, constantly finding ways to drive on sidewalks, fortunately avoiding the mass of pedestrians, Gwen's taxi was also faster than Courtney's limo by comparison yet somehow the crazy brunette managed to keep a good pace, regardless to that, or the sizable head-start Gwen got.

"Your mine Gwen!" Courtney shouted

"No way psycho!" she shouted back, making an abrupt turn down the next street, Courtney in hot pursuit.

"Okay have it your way!" Courtney pointed her spy pistol out the window and fired, fortunately Courtney couldn't hit the broad side of the Great Wall of China while in a car, much to her chagrin.

Needless to say the constant gunshots, and veering on and off the sidewalk kept the pedestrians away, though many did assume this was just a movie shoot. Hey, it could happen. They eventually passed a police car, the officers were on break, but decided to change that right quick.

"We should do something." the one officer said

"That we should Timmy." the other confirmed

"We should not just sit here and pretend that didn't happen."

"I agree." the second nodded.

"We should go right now, turn the lights on and just go."

"Okay Tim." the other officer said a smidge agitated

"We should just-"

"ALRIGHT TIM! Alright-alright we'll go!" the second turned on the siren.

"Well then, you know that really hurt my feelings."

"Shut-up!" they gave chase.

The cops were closing in on Courtney's limo, obviously being faster, the psychotic prep turned to notice, all while trying to drive, and reload her pistol...man Daniel Craig makes it look easy. Gwen of course took notice of this as well, and decided to gloat.

"Ha! Shows over Courtney! The cops are here! You're going to jail-you're going to jail!" Gwen screamed in a sing-song sarcastic voice

"You stole a car too you dumb bitch!" Courtney yelled in counter-anger

"...Were going to jail-were going to jail." Gwen sung in a low and unhappy whisper. Then she noticed she was about to hit a fence, too late "AHHHH!" (This is why women shouldn't drive-HA, I keed)

Gwen crashed through the fence, which coincidentally landed them into one of the ritziest country clubs around. They veered to a hole where a seemingly wealthy investment banker was on the phone with Wall Street, or; somewhere of financial importance.

"no-No-NO! Johnson! Listen to me! In this economy, anything sells! And there is a market of Indonesian unicorn textiles ripe for the floor to get their hands on! The The Asian markets will be all over our investors like white on rice, no pun intended-No! Do not sell, do not invest every penny into it you dumbo just-j-just-[crash]-yeah Johnson? Yeah I'm gonna have to call you back."

The taxi...and limo...and the police car were now officially totaled, as they ran into the sand trap right by the golfer, Gwen managed to exit first.

"Excuse me! Yeah you! You! I'm trying to play while making lots of money here!"

"Shut-up!" Courtney yelled, as the police cars siren blared...as their car was totaled as well, the two officers jumped out, the dumber one used a bullhorn

"Excuse me? Yeah you? Driver of the limo?"

"Go eat a doughnut copper! I ain't got time for you!" she pointed her gun their way.

"Aw sh*t dat bitch has a gun! Dammit!" the other officer jeered, annoyingly taking out his gun

"Walter PPK, it's a fine piece of machinery, fun fact-"

"Hey-h-hey, Tim, Tim?" the second officer asked

"Yeah?"

"Can I see that?"

"Oh sure." he handed the other officer the bullhorn "You know that's fine bullhorn it once belonged to-" as the first officer tried to explain, the second chucked the bullhorn. "You are really bringing me down today."

"SHUT-UP! No one cares how cool her gun is, point yours, and tell her to drop it! Or Im'a droppin' you!"

"Well then." the first scoffed drawing his pistol "Excuse me, angry female with the Walter?'

"WHAT?" Courtney jeered

"I am officer Timothy Wheeler, my partner officer Darryl Briggs-"

"I don't care what your stereotypical names are!" Courtney shouted

"Yo bitch, I don't care what PMS excuse yo got, drop da nine, and lay down, arms spread, or things are about to get shooty, ya feel me?" Darryl asked

"No!"

"Is this what a period is like?" Tim asked

"Believe me, bitches will go insane this time of the month." Darryl whispered

Gwen used this time to sneak out of the sand trap, where she came face to face with the golfer.

"Hey by the way, good advice with that buy." Gwen agreed

"I know right? People just don't understand, weird things sell in this day and age, and we need all the capital we can muster."

"You should try and cash in on Canadian maple syrup, profitable." Gwen said enticing

"Nah, we've cornered the market on breakfast condiments already, but thanks for the advice."

"No problem." she sprinted away

"Bitch I'm tired of yo sass!" Darryl yelled

"Hey-wasn't there someone else here?" Tim asked

"Huh?" Courtney noticed Gwen had vanished "That little weasel! GET BACK HERE!" Courtney ran from the sand trap, only to be tripped by the investment banker

"Foot slipped."

"Erg! I'd fill ya with holes if I wasn't afraid of you Wall Street types." Courtney dashed away.

"Were going after them right?" Tim asked Darryl

"No Tim, I'd thought we'd stick it out here and play a few holes before the storm hits."

"Oh goodies, I have my clubs in the trunk-"

"Will you just pursue!" Darryl shouted "Jeez!"

"Grouchy." Tim muttered

Gwen was running from a pursuing Courtney, where the two were running perpendicular on the driving range, at about the 150 yard mark, a very attainable distance for most golfers.

"Well what do you know, it's Gwen from Total Drama being chased by Courtney from Total Drama." one golfer noticed

"Well I'll be, it is."

"Alright fellas, 50 bucks if you can hit either of em, double if ya can get em with an iron." they took aim, and the range was filled flying golf balls.

"Whoa! Hey! HEY!"

"Do you know who I am-[thunk]" One hit Courtney's face

"Ha, I guess they d-[thunk]" Then Gwen.

The two managed to recover and give chase, just as Tim and Darryl ran into no mans land

"Stop!"

"Police! Hey!"

"Excuse me! With the golf balls!"

"Bitch will you knock off the-[thunk]"

"Hey, is that Spike Le-[thunk]"

"Oh sh*t, I think those were cops!"

"You know, it's looking like rain anyhow!"

"Time to pack it in boys, same time next week." they high tailed it out of there.

Coincidentally Gwen ran to another hole, where three familiar faces (to Voice over fans anyway) were playing a round of golf

"Looking like a storm, eh Rob?" one asked, holding the flag

"Sure is Jeff-Yo Frankie! Hurry up will ya, it's gonna storm!" the second asked the third

"No problem, this is a very important chip shot, you can't rush perfection."

"We ain't rushing perfection Frank, I would appreciate not becoming a lightening strike statistic." the first insisted

"Okay." the golfer chipped it...and into the hole it went

"Sonofabitch."

"Alright, time to pack it in." They hopped into their golf cart, Just as Gwen hopped on back with them.

"Whoa!"

"Hey there."

"Look, I don't have time to explain, you just gotta drive!" Gwen pleaded

"No problem, we were on our way back anyhow."

"Hey, I know you! You're Gwen from Total Drama!"

"Yes-yes, I'll give autographs later, drive please!"

"No problem, you know, you might have heard of us, were voice actors, I'm Rob Paulsen."

"Jeff Bennett."

"Frank Welker."

"...Never heard of you." Gwen shrugged, the three jumped

"Come on, surely you jest, I was Johnny Bravo." Jeff insisted

"Oh, the flaming haired kid."

"No-no that's Johnny Test, oh sh*t, who does him?" Rob asked

"I...wanna say James Arnold Taylor-butttttt, I dunno." Jeff was unsure.

"Well maybe you've heard of me, I was Yakko, Pinky-you know Pinky and the Brain, Throttle, Carl Weezer? Ringing any bells?" Rob asked

"Um...no."

"Well you had to have heard of Frank." Jeff insisted

"Enough animal and sound effects to choke a horse, voice of Fred Jones from Scooby-Doo for over 40 years?"

"Uh...Sorry."

"Rob has his own podcast." Jeff added

"Never heard of it." they frowned

"Ugh, forget it." They stopped at the clubhouse

"Thanks for the lift." Gwen waved

"Watch cartoons will ya!"

"Okay...sorry." but as she turned she gasped, for there was Courtney, leaning against the clubhouse, sipping an expensive mineral soda.

"Took ya long enough." she threw the bottle aside

"Ow my eye!"

"Funny thing about golf carts, they tend to go really-really-really-f*cking slow! Now where were we?" Gwen tried to run, but Courtney grabbed her by the neck

"No!"

"Thought you could escape me eh, Gwenny? Well ya can't! No taxi chase, hotel rug, investment banker, very-oddly skilled golfers, and two stereotypical buddy cops won't keep me from turning you into mincemeat!" she jeered, just as the two in question arrived, very tired, and very hit by golf balls.

"Freeze!"

"Erg, you two again? Don't you have a Dunkin Donuts to Investigate?" Courtney asked condescendingly

"Oh come on that's such an awful-awful, negative stereotype." Tim insisted...eating a doughnut

"I agree, man you think all cops do all day is eat doughnuts?" Darryl added...also eating a doughnut

"I rest my case, now you two sad excuses for meter maids go toddle on now, while I-huh?" she turned to notice Gwen had vanished "ERG!"

"Yipe." she was spotted by a fence, and Courtney took off after her

"Aw dammit, more running! Come on Tim!"

"Sure thing, just as soon as I finish this doughnut!"

Gwen leaped over the fence, while Courtney hurdled it, the two quickly resumed in chase, until Gwen noticed a motorcycle. She leaped for it just as a man was about to get on, Courtney of course leaped on the back, and held on while Gwen drove. The speed made Courtney hang onto the back of the motorcycle hanging horizontally

"Ha! I'm pretty sure you just stole Jet Li's motorcycle-YAH!" Gwen picked up more speed

"Don't care!"

"If I go down! I'm taking you with me Gwen-WAH!" Gwen turned and saw a moving van with a ramp next to it, conveniently, it was in a culdesac by another large fence. Gwen flashed a smirk.

"Uh...Gwen-you're not-"

"I sure am boy!"

"You-you did not just do a James Bond reference!" Courtney scolded

"Sure did, ever hear of Evel Knievel?"

"Ya did it again! And in the same movie!"

Gwen then jumped onto the ramp, which propelled them over the fence, they flew from the motorcycle and skidded onto the ground, ready to tear each other limb from limb.

"Uh-Steven?"

"Is this part of the script?"

"Cut-cut-cut-CUT!"

"Huh?" Gwen and Courtney suddenly realized they were on a movie set within the confines of Warner Brothers Studios, a Steven Spielberg movie no less.

"What is this? This is not in the script-Can I get a script over here, thank you. Let's see here." he flipped through it "No-no-no-no this is not it at all, the girlie catfight isn't until scene 27-not bad though I was very impressed by the authenticity." he agreed

"Yeah I thought it was pretty good." the girls looked up at the two actors whose scene they interrupted, and became starstruck

"GASP! Leonardo DiCaprio?"

"Matt D-D-D-Damon."

Gwen jumped into Leo's arms, while Courtney got all snuggly close to Matt

"Leo DiCaprio, I'm your biggest fan! I've seen all your movies."

"Really? You saw Shutter Island? Actually, you strike me as someone who would like that sorta thing."

"He—hee-hee-hee." Gwen giggled "How'd you know?"

"Eh, call it a hunch."

"I loved you in the Bourne Movies, I've seen literally everything you've been in." Courtney said all lovestruck.

"Really? You mean you saw Dogma?"

"Yeah." she giggled

"Okay, who directed it?"

"Kevin Smith."

"Damn, that always gets them." Matt said to Leo

"Hey, fans we'll be fans."

"Um...you know, I am Steven Spiel-"

"Go away you! Can't you see I'm talking to Leo?" Gwen asked

"Erg, why are you here anyways, you can't be the catfight girls, your too young, and way too Canadian."

"We'll actually I'm running from-yipe, um-yeah." Gwen got down "Just remember, biggest fan!" Gwen darted away

"Thanks for the respect!"

"Uh-shouldn't you." Matt said to Courtney

"Huh-ERG!" Courtney darted after Gwen, they ran onto another movie set, this time jumping into a moving Corvette, ready to strangle one another.

"Erg-enough with the fortuitous car chases already!" fine, they then noticed who was in the car.

"Um, hi."

"Steve Carel?"

"Ann Hathaway?"

"What movie is this?" Gwen asked

"Uh Get Smart 2."

"Where stuntmen are a thing of the past, hang on!" the car picked up speed. And headed for another ramp.

"This whole story is turning into a cliché." Gwen warned, the two enemies hung on for dear life as the car jumped, the two then went flying to an improvised set on top of a building where two stuntmen were fighting in loo of actors, Gwen and Courtney got back to the back breaking fighting, combos and punches went flying, blood going all over the set. The director, was noticing this from below as the stuntmen gave him the 'what the f*ck looks'

"Uh-Quentin, I don't think this is in the script."

"No-no-no-no-no, hey-hey...shh, wait...this is better-this is waaaaay better-keep it rolling."

"ERG!" Courtney slammed Gwen into a support beam. With much anger and bitterness. Gwen fell as Courtney approached "This is it Gwen." she took out her knife "I'm gonna slice out your little-okay, where the hell is this frigging rain? I have been dreading this since this began-where the hell is it?" Courtney asked out of nowhere. Gwen used this opportunity to get and lunge, which of course threw them both from the set, and to the awaiting skylight of the building below.

"AHHHHHHHH!" [crash]

Coincidentally it was for the little Miss Spoiled-Brat pageant. The two were now covered in blood, and glass shards, as the young girls swarmed around them, all of them being very spoiled of course

"Um like, hello?"

"Who the hell do you two think you are?"

"We were about to center our inner caring person for the question and answer session for the next round, and you two like, totally f*cked up our concentration."

The two girls stood up, still being quite limber, and began to fight once more. Overturning tables, rolling over everything, and making a mess.

"You're making a mess!"

"My dress is like ruined!" shut-up bitch!

"Shut-up bitch!" thank you.

Eventually they got back to the middle of the room where Courtney picked up a larger shard of glass than the small dinkleberry pieces left behind, and managed to get Gwen in a hostage hold, making all the little spoiled teenage girls, freak out in horror

"GASP!"

"Are you like, going to kill her?"

"Ohmigod if you're gonna kill her, can you like not get any blood on my dress, pretty please?"

"Wow, thanks for the concern-you all suck!" Gwen jeered

"Hey! I used to be a pageant girl." Courtney sneered

"Humph, that explains sooooooo much."

"Watch your mouth...and you know, I can't help thinking like were forgetting someone." Just then, an out of breath Tim and Darryl entered.

"Freeze!"

"don't...D-Don't-Don't-"

"Move?" Courtney asked

"That!" Tim blurted

"It's over, put the glass shard down, and drop the Goth girl." Darryl ordered

"Never." Courtney backed away with Gwen

"Now-now I must warn you I placed 6th in the precinct accuracy at close range contest so there is a very solid chance I will hit you, and not your hostage." Tim insisted

"What's wrong with him?" Gwen asked Darryl

"Girl I've been asking myself that for years, never got an answer."

"Shut-up all of you!" Courtney warned walking back into darkness, with everyone closing in "I am going to cut this two-timers throat once and for all, my revenge will be complete-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha." Courtney chuckled "Let this be a lesson to all of you girls, never mess with your friends boyfriends, or they WILL cut you open like fresh bag of potato chips while you watch the Notebook after he breaks up with youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" Courtney started to sob, then, lights turned on.

Courtney realized she had wandered onto the runway, while the audience starred in bewilderment at her bluntness...audacity...and overall ability to be a real psycho bitch.

"Um...alright what the hell I'll just say it-bitch am I glad I ain't in yo shoes right now!" Darryl yelled

"Oh dear lord this is live TV." Tim noticed

"LIVE!" Courtney yelled, the audience was still silent

Gwen used this opportunity to act. With quick thinking she stepped on Courtney's foot, then did a reverse headbutt, and then headbutted her right into the audience, and then darted away. Courtney was undaunted still, and now more determined than ever.

"ERRRRRRAHHHHHHHH!"

"Ooh, she mad." Darryl nodded "Come on!"

Gwen ran for the nearest staircase, with Courtney in quick pursuit, Gwen darted through the hallways until Courtney managed to catch up with her, tackling her into a recording booth

"Okay Tara, let's try that one more time-[door opens, and the girls brawl in the booth]"

"Hey, what's going here!"

"Explain yourselves!" Gwen had Courtney in a choke hold "Who are you?"

"I'm Andrea Romano, that's Tara Strong, and you two are interrupting our recording session!"

"Were doing a Disney movie!"

"Ooh, does it have a pretty princess in it?" Gwen asked

"Yes! I'm voicing the princess!"

"I hate princesses." Gwen snarled, then got back to brawling, they fought out the door.

"Um...do you want to continue, Tara?"

"Uh...I don't-I dunno?"

Eventually the two fought their way out an open window, and fell a few stories through the skylight of a stretch limo, which immediately began to drive forth.

"Erg, this is getting old!" the two sat up, only to realize whose limo it was...or did they?

"Um...you can't be the girls I need. Far too young, nothing like Black Cat-or maybe-maybe..." he pointed to Gwen "You perhaps-you...not so much."

"Okay...who are you, and why should we not try to claw at each others faces while in your presence?" Courtney asked. Her and Gwen slumped in opposite seats as the limo drove away

"Why, I'm Stan Lee."

"Buddy, we have seen more famous people in three hours, than many people see in three lifetimes, look at her, look at me, do we really look like the type of people who know who the hell you are?" Gwen asked bluntly

"Well, I am a comic book-"

"Never heard of you." Courtney stated

"O-Okay, you two look quite frazzled, care for a drink, I have soda."

"You mean pop?" Gwen asked

"...Sure, Coke?" Stan asked

"No thanks, my nose can't take much more abuse." Gwen insisted

"The drink you moron!" Courtney blurted

"Oh, sure then."

"Say shaken not stirred, and I will strangle you." Courtney warned

"Now then, what's got you both down, hmm?" Stan asked

"Well for starters, my former friend smooched my boyfriend, who broke up with me, and now I want to kill her!" Courtney snarled

"Oh, well I must say adultery is never a good thing, though not justified by murder." Stan explained

"Oh God, he's one of those wise-old-sage type people." Gwen rolled her eyes

"I am who I am. Now listen ladies, I have seen many-a things in my lifetime, but none more despicable when two good friends try and fight with one another...though never have I ever seen this escalate into attempted murder. You know deep down you both are really good friends, how can you let, a-most likely frivolous mistake ruin friendship, friends are like...a really good ice cream sundae. Now admit it girls are you still friends, are you really going to let one mistake ruin all of that? Hmm?"

"Well." Gwen thought

"Well..." Courtney said "YES!"

"Yipe!"

Like it Was Grand Theft Auto, Gwen leaped from the limo and onto the street, with Courtney following, though she stumbled more than Gwen. And like this cliched story will tell you, they were back at their running game.

"This promises not to bode well." Stan shook his head.

Gwen dashed into what appeared to be a casino, the Red Dragon (Not sure if gambling is legal in California, but I don't feel like using the Internet, come on how many times have they been right?) And so as not to be racist, the Asian themed casino will not be as stereotypically bigoted as you might imagine.

"Hello miss, might I see your identification?" the hostess asked

"Oh-uh, I'm 21, I just-oh darn, forgot it in my other Bugatti."

"But, you need a license to drive." The hostess corrected

"Uh-Look, Lucy Lu!"

"Oh, did she spill her drink again, excuse me." as he left, Gwen sighed happily, and made her way through the casino, knocking into an angry Asian man playing craps, causing him to prematurely roll, yet he rolled well.

"4, nice roll!"

"Heh-heh, sorry." Gwen cringed

"Nice accident, here." he handed Gwen some of his chips.

"Thanks."

And just then, Courtney entered, holding an assault rifle of some sort. Everyone gasped and began to disperse, yet somehow she was able to pick out Gwen in the crowd. She fired, Gwen was quick to hide behind a fake statue of a Terracotta soldier.

"Where do you get these things?" Gwen asked

"Can you believe it? Clint Eastwood was having a yard sale!"

"Oh imagine my delight!" Gwen yelled sarcastically

So as Courtney continued to plow the place with lead, Gwen quickly ran to hiding spot after hiding spot, she then noticed a statue of a ninja holding actual throwing knives, which she used to her advantage to take the offensive to Courtney. The prep was still undaunted and continued to fire as the two exchanged ammunition, and otherwise crass and offensive vilification. Needless to say, it was Gwen who made the retreat first, darting to the roof, with Courtney following her at the heels.

"Why you running Gwen? I just want to talk to you-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Gwen made it to the roof, only to realize the casino was right next door to a construction site, where, guess what-they were building pointless-[insert expletive]. Gwen managed to jump to the steel gerters below, of the building looking like a skeleton of a building.

"Oh no you don't!" Courtney followed quickly

The two gave chase, occasionally making a few connections when catching up, though they continued to climb the gerters to the top of the building. Once they did it, the only options were, fall 7 stories, or, climb the crane cable leaning against the side of the building.

Gwen leaped for it, and quickly ascended, as much as Courtney wanted to pick her off like those annoying birds that won't shut-up, she was out of perhaps the most important aspect to shooting a weapon. Bullets. So she dropped her gun, and leaped as well, and climbed. Gwen was the first to make it to the cranes, top; but an adrenaline-pumped Courtney followed at her heels, the two were now on top of the behemoth, connecting fists yet again, neither girl showing the slightest bit of fatigue. Everything seemed to be an ordinary fight, but then! A police helicopter flew right above them.

"Freeze! This is the LA Police Department! We have you surrounded! Put your hands up now!" Someone from the helicopter ordered

"Guess they got backup." Gwen said softly, as Courtney had her by the neck. They both noticed an army of police cars down below. "See Courtney, we should...probably give up."

"Never, not until I wring out your worthless little neck!"

Gwen needed a plan, and fast, she kneed Courtney and then took a leap of faith, grabbing onto the helicopter's landing platform. Courtney, knowing Gwen could escape did the same, jumping onto the other platform. The helicopter responded in offense by ascending even higher, heading back into downtown LA. Courtney and Gwen of course tried to claw at one another from either end of the chopper.

"Scared of heights Gwenny?" Courtney asked

"Nope!"

"Well good...CAUSE I AM!"

Courtney tried to climb her way into the cabin of the chopper, while Gwen followed from the opposite direction. They both did manage to make it, surprising the officers inside very much so, and began to fight once more, at close range, disrupting everyone inside, due to the tight space therein.

"Erg! Erg! I HATE YOU!"

"You two! Cease this at once! You're under arrest!" One of the officers tried to say.

This of course caused the chopper to careen out of control and violently, though swiftly managed to calmly crash-land on the roof on one of the buildings, which Gwen and Courtney rolled out, and for this final act, the parkour I promised is about to begin. Gwen managed to flip up and sprinted to the edge of the building. And without thinking, took a leap, and now the Hollywood slow motion camera panning sees Gwen safely land on the building below, while Courtney chased after her, doing the same thing.

And so it began as we near the end. Gwen sprinted atop a skylight, just as Courtney crushed the glass, causing a domino effect, so Gwen really hightailed it to the end, much to the prep's chagrin. Giving chase yet again, Gwen dashed towards the end, and jumped to the fire escape of the next building very closely. Courtney did the same.

Gwen dashed to the top of the fire escape, kicking Courtney's face one or two times to keep her down. Gwen made it to the top of the building, gasping of how Courtney was in front of her. Of course, she got wise, and used the elevator inside the building after getting her face squashed one time too many. After going a round or two, Gwen ran yet again.

This time, there was yet another taller building, with a lower level jumbo tron, featuring a Ke$ha video. Gwen landed, and climbed the giant TV, whereas Courtney misinterpreted the trajectory just a smidge, and crash landed into the jumbo tron, though God knows how, she recovered, and climbed the building with awkward Art Deco features to give it that Gotham City look and feel. The two girls made it to the top of the building, and sprinted...slowly, to the edge, Courtney getting as close as she could, but not close enough.

This time the building was a glass building, fortunately a window washer was on his platform washing the windows. Gwen took aim, and jumped, so did Courtney, they both made it, while the window washer was right between them.

"Come here you!"

"No! Go away!"

"Um, excuse me, ladies?"

"SHUT-UP!"

"Okay."

Gwen managed to get the platform rising to the top of the building, where one swift kick, sent Courtney into the railing, giving Gwen all the time she needed in which to sprint. The two continued their parkour journey. This time the next building was a smaller building, with a penthouse balcony on roof, or something like that.

The two fought their way across the party that they were inadvertently interrupting. But first taking a brief break from their fight to sample an hors d'eovers or twenty. Then of course they got right back to it, leaping to smaller buildings across the clearly too narrow ally ways.

Yet still both girls were getting quite tired, Gwen especially, not fueled by the anguish and fortitude that Courtney was clearly feeling. Their chase finally ceased with Gwen finally out of energy, at the side of the building, ironically, the Hotel Walken, where stories below them, was the Olympic sized swimming pool.

"Good, you're tired." Courtney smirked, smacking Gwen around a few times., until she had her at the edge, holding her by the collar, the only thing keeping her up.

"Courtney...p-p-p-p-please." she welled up.

"No, never, this is it Gwen, it's all over. You're going down...literally-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-AHA-HA-HA-HA-HA! How's that for an evil laugh?" she asked

"Um...eh." Gwen shrugged

"Eh? Oh that hurt Gwen, but not as much as this will hurt you!"

Suddenly though, Courtney's good conscience finally showed up for work, as her bad conscience never left.

"No Courtney, you can't! You love Gwen! You love her!"

"Ah, don't listen to that goody-good! Kill her! Do it!"

"No! Don't do it Courtney! Don't!"

"Kill her!"

"Don't kill her!"

"Shut-up you! Kill her already!"

Courtney's head was filled with a million different emotions, but then she looked down at Gwen, and then, it seemed as though her good conscience was getting the better of her. She leaned in, and placed a kiss on her lips.

And boy was it explosive. Gwen responded back with the same. Eventually the two began to elan too much, and fell from the building, still in a deep embrace. They landed in the salt water pool, where their embrace ended, as they sunk. Courtney was still on top of Gwen. But then, her bad conscience took over. Courtney held onto Gwen's neck, and tried to strangle her, while drowning her all at the same time.

Gwen managed to get free, and the two swam to the top, and tried to fight once more. Both very weak, again, still more so to Gwen, who didn't really like their good moment ruined simply in the pursuit of staying in character.

"Why did you do that for?"

"Because I still hate you, a love hate relationship! There I said it! I hate you, I love you, and now I'm still gonna-"

"FREEZE!"

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Courtney jeered, as Tim and Darryl, and the rest of the pursuing officers were surrounding them.

"No! Just let me kill her! Please-please-please!" They pulled Courtney off of Gwen, throwing handcuffs on the both of them. "I was close! So close! And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for-"

"STOP!" Tim warned "Don't say it, or we'll owe a fortune to Hanna-Barbera!"

"Man you're stupid!" Darryl added

Well, alls well that ends well...or is it? Gwen was convicted of two counts Grand Theft Auto, inciting violence, vandalism, and petty theft. Courtney on the other hand was convicted of Grand Theft Auto, aggravated premeditated attempted murder, aggravated assault and battery with a deadly weapon, inciting violence, vandalism, grand theft, misuse of firearms, possessing firearms without a license, and a slew of FCC violations for what she said on national television.

Courtney was now being led to her new home...a cell in San Quentin, not knowing where Gwen was taken.

"No! No-no-no-no-NO! Not fair-not fair-not-fair-not fair! I was soooo close-sooooooooo close!"

"Yeah-yeah that's what they all say, no really." the officer locked Courtney in her cell. "Erg! I'll get even with her! You'll see!" she jeered at the guard, now walking away.

"You know what, they all say that too. Funny thing how cliches work."

"Erg!"

"You know he's right, it is kinda funny."

Courtney gasped, she knew that voice, turning around laying on the bed, was Gwen, smiling,

"You?"

"Oh yeah, you know; the judge and DA were really sympathetic, and Jet Li dropped the charges for the bike theft, so; my sentence was reduced to one month...and I am going to make that one month the worst years of your life."

"NO!"

"Like you said Courtney...Tomorrow...Never...Dies, hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm."

"No...No-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

**The End...**

**So kiddies, there you have it, the moral of our story is simple, Karma's a bitch, Gwen is a bigger bitch. Courtney is an even bigger bitch than that! I thank you all for reading, and mostly for sticking it out till the bitter-sweet end. I also thank you all for not suing me, and the clebrities and other famous people for the same! As finals approach, yours truly is looking at a month of uninterrupted much needed updating, so stay tuned! Review!And get ready for more Niko! PEACE**

**And please check out the latest poll on my profile, all about James Bond!  
**

**And also, God bless yet another fallen good man**

**Rusty Mills (1962-2012) **

_[intro]_

_Darlin' I'm killed I'm in puddle on the floor Waiting for you To return  
Oh, what a trill Vacillations good Lord How to tease? How you leave me to burn?  
It's so deadly my dear The power of wanting you near  
Until the day Until the world falls away Until you say, there will no more goodbyes I see it in your eyes Tomorrow never dies _

_[instrumental]  
Darling you won It's no fun Martinis, girls and guns It's murder on our love affair  
You bet your life Every night While you chase every morning die You're not the only spy out there  
It's so deadly my dear The power of wanting you near  
Until the day Until the world falls away Until you say, there will no more goodbyes I see it in your eyes Tomorrow never dies _

_[Instrumental]  
Until the day Until the world falls away Until you say, there will no more goodbyes I see it in your eyes Until the day Until the day Until the day _

_[outro]-_

_Tomorrow Never Dies: Sheryl Crow  
_


End file.
